When it comes to giving and receiving comfort, the matter can be perfectly summed up in just two words: “It’s complicated.” Grief is an intensely personal struggle. No two circumstances are the same. No two people are the same. This means that what is helpful and comforting to us as we work through the emotions and resist the temptations that come with grief may not be the same for others. This has led to the false notion that no one can understand your grief and you cannot understand anyone else’s, and that leads to further isolation and loneliness rather than comfort.
Complicating the issue further is the fact that, because we are sinners, our attempts to comfort each other are often spoiled by sinful attitudes and desires of both the giver and receiver.
There is Someone who understands your grief perfectly and offers you perfect comfort. God is “the God of all comfort,” and the grace of God is sufficient to overcome the hindrances to giving and receiving comfort. Furthermore, God has commanded those who have received His comfort to comfort others with the comfort that He gave them. By God’s grace, we can learn the skills of giving comfort properly and avoid the mistakes that are commonly made when trying to comfort others. By God’s grace, we can be patient with others when they try to be a comfort but do a poor job of it. Through God, we find common ground in our grief, and we can give and receive comfort graciously.